Round and round we go


It’s the weekend again and I am safe and sound at home. For the first time in for a very long time I am actually a bit sad that I am stuck at home. The idea of going out is pretty much terrifying me, but there seems to be apart of me today that actually wants to do something. I have no idea what but something in me actually wants to go out into the real world. Then there is the overwhelming terror about actually going out.

I have been doing a bit of cleaning and looking at starting to do some writing soon. I don’t really feel like cleaning but my flat is a bit of a mess so needs to be done. I’m really at a loss as to what to actually do with myself today. I am starting to get a bit nervous about Tuesday. I am going to be seeing my Psychiatrist and he will have the results of my EEG. I’m pretty nervous about what they will say, if I am having partial complex seizures then at least there is some physical explanation to some of my symptoms, something to point too. But if I’m not having them then what? It’s kinda like if I am having them then there is an answer, a reason for the way I am and medication and treatment what ever that is, is a bit more proven and they know that this medication will actually work for sure, where as at the moment its all trial and error, which pisses me off.

 

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About malensteptoe
I am work for one of Australia's big 4 banks in the System Admin Team. I am also a mental health sufferer. Currently diagnosed with OCD, MDD, Panic Disorder, Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and Trichotillomania. I also write books and a blog. I am an advocate for change of the view towards mental health sufferers. We can and are beneficial people in society, with much to offer and contribute. We are not all violent, actually the percentage of violent tendencies in the mentally ill and those without mental illness are no different. You may work with someone right next to someone with mental illness and never know. So maybe it's time to re-evaluate your opinions?

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